February escaped from me somehow. I flew into Miami determined to buy a new vehicle, ship it to Haiti, and get back before the end of the week. I would have succeeded if it wasn’t for unstable elections and an overprotective father. The news in South Florida was littered with reports of riots and violence in the streets. My dad took one look at the TV and begged me not to go back, at least not until things had settled down. I reluctantly consented, but only after he offered to buy me a plane ticket back to West Virginia. So, February was spent cuddled under a blanket, watching movies and eating probably more than I should.
I’m leery of staying in America too long, though. After a few weeks I start to enjoy hot showers and the convenience of a 24 hour Wal-Mart a little too much. Meals take 15 minutes to prepare in the States, unlike Haiti where a plate of rice and beans could easily take 5 hours to cook. It seems like the longer I enjoy the comforts of the modern world, the harder it is to give them up. I suppose I’m only human though and $1 cheeseburgers could tempt even the strongest person. When March 1st rolled around, I wasn’t exactly thrilled about leaving. Instead of looking ahead to the people I was about to see, my mind was on all the friends I was leaving. Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do and I’d never want to give it up, but I don’t wake up every single morning and jump out of bed ready to save the world. Sometimes it takes a little more effort to get myself going. Those are the mornings when I have to be lead by faith. Faith, that what I’m doing is right. Faith, that my emotions are fleeting, but God’s promises are eternal. Faith, that in the end he’ll work everything out for those who love Him. I prayed that God would adjust my mood. I prayed for contentment in the present and a little motivation for the next few months. I prayed that I would have the strength to fiercely love my kids and give them the absolute best part of me. Then after I prayed, I got up and continued to follow Him.
“Faith is holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods”. –C.S. Lewis
Once I was back in Haiti, my mood lightened. I pushed back the heavy gate at the entrance of Project Eden and immediately felt at home. The men I had left to oversee the land had worked above and beyond what I had asked of them. They planted flowers all along the walls and because of the recent rain, grass was beginning to grow on our soccer field. I was greeted by three adorable puppies that will one day serve as our guard dogs, but for now they seem to be more satisfied with playing than protecting. My children smiled when they saw me walking up the path to the church and I realized then that though I may always be torn between two places, I can find contentment in knowing that I’m walking in the will of my Father. There is no better home than the one in His presence. If He is the source of my joy, then I can rejoice no matter where I am.